Zach Hates You

I’ve been getting a lot of fan mail here at zachhatesyou.com so I figured I would take the time to answer some comments that will never be approved and thrown to the spam filter.  Fuck you  assholes!

PenIsonse commented on “Seattle bores me at 2am post with, “Hi, nice posts there hold responsible’s concerning the interesting advice.”

Why thank you my dear fuckstick.  My posts are nice.  Nice posts are what I have.  What in the fucking fuck you do mean by “hold responsible’s concerning the interesting advice”?  If you mean, “holding wang is interesting,” I would suggest putting the smiley face after all of that.  Thanks!

Casino 1243389525 wrote, “Casino 1243389525.”  Huh…well I really don’t understand what the hell you’re trying for there.  No link or anything.  Way to go.  Keep on keeping on.

CHEAP VIAGRA said, “????????????? ????? ?? ??????????? ???????? ??? ?????? Great work, well researched,” about my “You’re lucky to be alive” post.  Thank you so much.  That post was brought to you by painstaking research in fact.  I slaved away in the jungles of Seattle for weeks finding the perfect hobo to teach me his ways of hoboing.  I wanted to find one that looked like Jesus, but that’s a whole bunch of them.  Plus, they’re all white and we all know that Jesus as not a white man.  He was purple.

How I Lost Thirty Pounds in Thirty Days submited, “Hi, nice post. I have been pondering this topic,so thanks for sharing. I’ll certainly be coming back to your posts.”  Here you fatass, I fixed it for you :  “Dearest Zach,  you are the bestest best person in the world.  You are full of win.  In fact, there is so much win that I have shit myself typing this.”

Now isn’t this fun!  Not really, but I’m going to keep it up!

FlomiScedcime said,

“Hi. Just some more question. Realy, need your help.
I work at Apple in Cork?

Thenks. I am Waiting for answer!!!”

What the shit is an Apple in Cork?   Really?  What the fuck do either of those have in common?  And what is the question?  Is it about fisting?  How about midgets?  Or best yet, fisting midgets!   Thensks yo!

FlomiScedcime actually has a few more comments.  Shame practice didn’t make his/her grammar any better.

“Hello. Just more question. Realy, please, help.
Why do i drink so much???? :(?

Thenks, bro. I am vaiting for answer!!!”

And,

“Hello Man!, need your help.
What is wrong with me?

Thenks, bro. I am vaiting for answer!!!”

Also,

“Hello Man!, please, help me.
Is my son smoking diet pills?

Thenks. I am vaiting for answer!!!”

My answer for all of these questions is this: Die in a fire.  Fuck you god damn spammers.  Sure, most of this was due to bots.  I hate you bots.  I’m not your god damn “bro” you effin robot.  YOU’RE A MACHINE.  Just wait though people.  First annoying ass comments on blogs, next…Skynet.

Judgment Day is comes closer everyday bitches.  I for one would love to shoot the Governator in the face.

Stay frosty mofuckas and please remember, a shotgun works better then the spam button.

-Z-